Have you ever wondered why your conversations fall through?
In between the conversation, you just feel you lost the CONNECTION.
For maximum success in life, you need to master the art of communication, that too, with new people.
So, if you have trouble even approaching new people, read this article first.
Any conversation starts with an introduction. Your introduction is literally your first impression on the person.
But, how do you continue after the perfect ‘HI’ you could say to the other person?
How do you capture their attention?
How to make the conversation flowing like cheese on sliced bread?
For any meaningful, fulfilling conversation to happen, you need to establish:
Yes, you need to establish rapport.
Simply, it means establishing a common ground.
You need to make the other person feel like that you are like cheese to their wine, bacon to their eggs or Yin to their Yang.
You should be able to create the feeling that they can trust you with their precious time.
You should be able to conjure feelings of positivity towards you.
You should feel like the best person they can give their time to.
How do you find the interests, likes, dislikes and quirks of a person you just met minutes ago?
You can’t possibly do that, right.
So, let’s see what we have in front of us.
We need to use all our senses to maximum, here.
A lot you need to know is missing.
What you have in front of you are the emotions of the person, the words that are being spoken and the actions that are being performed.
You have in front of two things, therefore:
It is a two-step process. Let’s find out.
Rapport Establishment by Physicality
You can use the physical actions of the person in front of you to establish rapport.
Why would this work?
Here, we leverage the non-verbal part of the communication.
Because your physical mannerisms will match with the other person, subconsciously, it will create the feeling in the other person’s mind, that you are like them only.
They just thought you are like them.
Which means they just thought that you have something in common with them.
They don’t know what, but they are willing to spend time to find that.
Isn’t it what we wanted from the beginning?
So, even without knowing somebody from Adam, you can still create a feeling, a puzzle for them to find. You need to hook them onto you. You need to create a worthwhile experience, of them finding the commonality with you.
The proverbial common ground even without existing, would lead to a conversation, that too, a meaningful and sensible one.
So, you don’t really need a common ground, the promised common ground reaps its benefits even in imagination.
How do you create the magic then?
You must have noticed when talking people have the habit of brushing their hair off, shifting their hands, tapping their leg, or moving their hands.
These physical behaviours are a point of entry to their psyche.
You can access their mental state through them.
How do you tune the radio to a particular channel?
By matching the frequency.
You establish a common frequency between your radio and the station.
You need to choose any one of those physical behaviours you can spot.
It is better to choose one which they are doing more like a lot of people have the habit of moving their hands.
Now, you copy them, just like the radio you need to match your own frequency to the person in front of you.
You must be thinking that this is deceitful but meaningful connections take time and in order for you to get that time, you need to do this. This will open doors to other opportunities to make that meaningful connection.
And also, this copying of behaviour allows you to understand that person much better. So, even if you think this is deceitful, this is actually a mental connection strengthening technique.
Rapport Establishment by Emotionality
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Why would this work?
What lies in the heart of the person?
What pain lies behind the abyss of their eyes?
The only real determinant of the emotions of the person is their voice.
The tone of their voice will be a sure telltale of their emotional state.
If one person is sad and the other is happy or vice-versa, can a MEANINGFUL conversation happen then?
It is a big NO.
Emotions are the voice of the heart.
If you want to have a meaningful connection with someone, then, you need to understand their heart.
You should have matching emotions, if you wish to converse.
Happy and sad won’t mix, happy and happy, on the other, would make SUPER happy.
Matching your emotions with the other person will, therefore, result in a successful connection of two minds leading to the spark that will ignite maybe one of the best conversations of your life.
How do you conjure magic then?
No, not like that.
First of all, we matched the physical aspects of the person, this allowed us to peer into the mental state of the person. This was very important because we need to understand what’s going on in their mind.
The physical attunement was the easier one and would lead to a well-trodden path of understanding the other person’s emotions.
This is time to use your emotional intelligence.
The field has been aptly prepared for you, you need to give your BEST!
First, match the volume of your voice with them.
It's really not great that you are talking at the top of their voice and they feel like somebody is banging drums on their head.
Speak in a soft, clear tone matching their volume.
This will increase their comfort level.
Next, let’s match the tonality.
You can sense the tone of their voice.
Are they sad, anxious or happy, jovial?
Go into that mental space.
If this is hard for you to do, it would be better if you could remember something that will conjure up such emotions for you.
Like remembering the last you went out with your friends for a happy tone and the last time your boss shouted at you for a sad one.
This works like a charm.
The volume and tone are done.
As soon as you hit this, the conversation car will hit the throttle at full speed.
So, what are you waiting for?
Go out there and have the best conversations of your life.
Grow your circle and have maximum success and productivity in your court.
If you want to further read about this, here’s the book.
Abhishek Verma is a researcher in the field of deep learning and artificial intelligence. He likes to write about the logical way of self-improvement. Spurred by emotions, he also likes to write poetry. Stay in touch by joining his newsletter. Follow him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Mix.